Wednesday, March 14, 2007

How Irish Are You?

came across this at

What kind of tea?
a) Earl Grey, thanks.
b) Supervalu Own Brand
c) Barrys.

And the bikkies?
a) Hobnobs
b) Bourbons
c) What's left in the Rover tin?

Settled in? Alright, off we go.

You're off to the US on a 3 month holiday. What do you bring with you?
a) Your passport, a scared expression, no ties to the IRA
b) Taytos, Barrys tea, Galtee rashers, brown bread.
c) A good pair of work boots.

What's the best kind of tractor?
a) A Massey... er... O'Callaghan?
b) One driven by a man in a flat cap.
c) A Honda Civic

What's the best thing to hear in an Irish niteclub?
a) Johnny Moy
b) Amhrán na bhFiann
c) The Baywatch Theme

Why are you still in Ireland, anyway?
a) The economy
b) The Craic
c) The Mammy

What can you smell when you venture into the Great Outdoors?
a) Camping gear, fleeces, GAA jerseys.
b) Freedom!
c) Honda Civics

And what can you smell when you go home to your Mammy's house?
a) Espresso
b) Good home cooking
c) Yesterday's carrots, Pledge, bleach.

What's your drug of choice?
a) Cocaine
b) Guinness!
c) Whatever's going around. Preferably free and in a can.

The Red Hot Chili Peppers are
a) So last year
b) A bunch of feckin' yanks
c) God

How do you vote?
a) Fia... Actually, that's confidential.
b) Sinn Fein
c) They'll tell me when I get off me arse and register.

Christ! What's that smell?!!
a) Wild garlic
b) Silage
c) Bad pint.

Where do you swear?
a) In the pub.
b) Everywhere!
c) I don't befuckinglieve you asked me that.

Which of these is funniest?
a) Dylan Moran
b) Brendan Grace
c) A B&B called Mount Bernadette

Her eyes they shone like diamonds, you'd think she was queen of the land...
a) That Glenda Gilson gets about, alright.
b) and her hair hung over her shoulders, tied up with a black velvet band!
c) With her ould lad slung over her shoulder, and half a pig's arse in her hand.

Priests are
a) An ageing breed
b) Pillars of the community, still.
c) Always asking for money

Bertie Ahern is
a) The Taoiseach
b) a Cute Hoor
c) a cunt

Ah, now. Check the comments if you want to know how you've done. Thanks, don't let the door hit you on the way out. By the way, how are you getting home?
a) Lexus RX
b) My tractor
c) Walking. Some cunt burned out me Civic.
The Swearing Lady said...

Well now. Let’s see.

Mostly As – You’re Middle Class Michael! The Celtic Tiger has blessed your tastebuds, bud.

Mostly Bs – You’re Second Generation Shawn! Feckin’ yanks, you always try too hard.

Mostly Cs – You’re Ciaran the Cunt! If you could get your hands on that tiger, you’d ride it, you would.

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